Leap of Faith

Well, I guess that's why it isn't called "baby steps" of faith... I figured that with my very low Vitamin D level, that my bones wouldn't be dense enough for this surgery... so I prayed for the test to show me which way I should go. Well, indeed it showed that my bone density was fine. So with that I have scheduled the Invasive Cervical Traction (ICT) in New York for December 22nd, which is next Tuesday. I will be traveling with my 18 year old son, so that we can make this a bit of a "Mom & Son Vacation" & see some of New York together. We will be leaving early Sunday, have a day of testing & doctors visits on Monday, then surgery is scheduled for late on Tuesday. Although this is an outpatient surgery, it's only diagnostic to see if the surgery would help my symptoms & see if they could get the pressure off of my brainstem with the traction in place. I had the ICT done several years before, but not the same way... & it's been so long now that I might be stuck with some of the nerve damage from waiting so long. So this way we can get a better idea if surgery is the right choice.

It's funny that I've never really had such a tough time with this, as I'm not really an "emotional" person. This time however, I've been a mess. I am sure that with Christmas being around the corner, & all of the stress that comes with that, it doesn't help... but my symptoms have gotten so bad lately. The other night I was up ALL night long crying & holding my head in pain, keeping my poor husband up... I should have just went to the hospital, but after catching up on pain meds, hours later I finally fell asleep. Then the next day I still question "if" I should have this surgery done. Between the severe headaches, vomiting, etc... & these problems with my legs now... I know that I have to do something.

So now I'm taking that "leap of faith" and praying that this test next week is clear enough to know (one way or another) what I need to do. If it would help, I'd about do anything! BUT... if I'd end up back where I am today... I'd rather not go thru anything else. I want to be better... I want some HOPE.