It's not funny...

Ed and I have always used humor to help us thru this bumpy road. Heck, after leaving the doctor's office (almost 13 years ago) & finding out that I was going to need brain surgery, Ed stopped at a restaurant that we went to often to just "sit" and give it all some time to "sink in", before having to pick up our kids at his sister's house. I had fallen apart in the car, but was able to get it together in order to get into the restaurant. After sitting there, I fell apart again, thinking of my two little ones & the realization that I needed brain surgery. I felt SO afraid & lost.

Ed sat across the table from me in his own disbelief and shock. I stared out the window watching the rain come down, desperately trying to hold back the tears as he held my hand on the table. When the food came neither of us could eat. I just kept tearing up & SO upset & heart broken that our "perfect life" (and let me tell you, we were SO blessed... and still are!)... was going to be turned upside-down. Ed had such a hard time saying anything, but I "felt" his comfort from his hand on mine. Finally, he spoke and with tears in his eyes, he whispered, "Cyn, I just wish it were me". I looked at him, knowing how much he loved me & wanted this to be a dream too, and I whispered back, "me too".

We both laughed and laughed, with all of the emotion of what we had just been thru! It was kind of a release of the weight of the stress. We've always found a way to use humor to help us deal with all of the this. It's always "worked" for us.

However whenever I laugh, cry, bend over, or strain in any way--it makes my head feel like it's going to explode... moreso now. We went to a movie yesterday (Couple's Retreat) for my upcoming 40th birthday... and we had such a good time! It was so funny, but with the laughing came the SEVERE pain my head. Ironic that humor has always "helped", but it's the laughing that seems to hurt me so bad. I really wish that I could just LAUGH again without all of the pain!